Woman Secret ~ Marriage is More about Playing House than Any of Us Could Ever Imagine (a lesson in How Emotional Quotient helps grow a partnership of two into a successful marriage)
Isn't Playing House a representation as a child of what the ideal family looks like? Human relationships back then were everything.
If many of us will look back at the days as a child we might realize what life was meant to be.
What represents real happiness unfortunately, one that many households have sadly forgotten.
Somehow, out of paying the bills and living from survival, we lose some sense of what life is meant to be.
I add the idea of playing house, because in our make believe world is what life and happiness were meant to be. It was relationships back then that really mattered and they are paramount even today.
Remembering from where true happiness comes, is what I wish to discuss, in our follow up conversation.
Just as the children playing house in the image above who see marriage as a progressive friendship.
Somehow, Hollywood and the Media are so fixated on the physical aspects of sex in marriage, or even non marital sexual relations, that the marriage partners have lost the idea of marriage as playing house and of building a marriage of friendship and a forever abiding relationship.
Marriage partners today have almost ignored that this relationship that began at the beginning of the antiquities, and that requires work. It is even an economic relationship, because both men and women have different roles to perform in marriage and unique strengths and propensities.
When I or my wife said, “I do” we never realized that this decision was to become the most important decision we two could make. In fact, all of us who enter this relationship of marriage, realize it is a do it yourself experience, and that there is no instruction manual offered as we all enter this (either to be happy or unhappy) relationship.
If we chose well, we will be very happy but if we don’t, it could be disastrous to both our emotional and physical health. In fact, statistics suggest that the first attempt in marriage, if it is a happier one, and is much better off, than getting a divorce and then being off again, in search for a second, or even a third partner.
Or once a marriage ends in divorce, statistics shows that the next marriage has a higher probability of failure. That’s unless the divorced party takes the necessary time to work on herself first, and refuses to enter back into a similar relationship too early, and she purposely takes better and more search time, before making the next choice.
In the movie “Ben-Hur” a Damascene rich merchant, lent Hur (played by Charlton Heston) his chariot with horses who stated to Hur, that he must place the faster horse on the outside and keep the slower steadier horse on the inside, to stabilize the ride and reduce the chance of his chariot flipping over.
Well marriage can be seen as something similar to the “Ben-Hur” chariot race. Somehow there needs to be a more emotionally mature person like the slower horse in a marriage relationship, to make it work. Any partner can play the part of the faster horse wanting his or her own way, but letting go of one’s ego and assuming the role of the slower horse to sustain a marriage, takes much more effort to do.
Let me talk about you purposely making a commitment towards you becoming like the slow horse as you become the more emotional mature partner. In fact, marriage therapists have discovered that it doesn’t take two people to make a marriage work, but one.
But it requires at least one emotionally mature person to save and keep your marriage ALIVE. Yes it is the slow horse or the more emotionally mature partner, who can create a huge difference in the marriage’s success.
However, saving the marriage cannot be done in the case of an emotional, physical or sexual abusive relationship. In fact 1 out of 5 marriages are said to be abusive in that case it is in your best interest to obtain help to leave your marriage.
But in most marriages, one person if the faster party is at least a good person, the more emotionally mature person in that marriage, can make the difference using Emotional Quotient (EQ) techniques, deciding between the marriage’s success and its failure.
In fact, it is found just like the slower horse in the Ben-Hur movie, the more mature partner can in fact; make even a less stable relationship become more stable but it may take some times to do.
Assume,that if your marriage is rocky and even if it may end up in divorce, you’re moving into a more emotional mature direction, will provide you in case you obtain a divorce, with a softer landing. So either case whether the marriage gets better or not, by you become the more mature partner, you will have created a sounder personal foundation.
Even, whether you decide to go it alone and eventually find a better partner, you will have learned more about yourself and learn more about what you desire next in a marriage partner, to create the next time round, a more enduring relationship.
So what does it mean to be emotionally mature? It is the ability as the videos links and the “Psychology Today” link below, states, gaining Emotional Quotient (EQ) is one’s ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.
Let’s face it, you have to start some where’s and starting on your own self to gain emotional maturity is your best solution.
If you and your husband need a therapist great it might be the best decision you will make to keep your marriage solvent.
However, it is not necessary to find a guru. Why? Because in the end, it is better that you take the initiative, to do this emotional work on yourself. Happiness is not fulfilled in marriage as much as most people think; it is because true happiness is a personal choice and not necessarily a collective decision.
Therefore, to begin to own your own life again, you may be required to find some QUIET time alone to think deeply about what is really important, in what you need to do to first of all, for you to become happy, and secondly, to make your marriage better.
Becoming emotionally mature means that you must get rid of any of your “Soap Opera” emotional drama survival that you have experienced in the past.
You must take the initiative to learn to catch a few minutes of daily time in time-outs (by using Micro Meditation techniques we discuss here if necessary ‘see my other topics’), which is so you can listen DEEP inside yourself. By you taking this self -initiative over time you will begin to experience your higher self
Remember, all human beings of any race, color, gender or occupation have a higher self to guide them, and you may need to rely on its power more, through your applying daily micro meditation, to discover a heightened emotionally mature lifestyle, with or without a partner.
If you will do this emotional work on yourself, whether you save your marriage or not, whatever will be the outcome, I promise, you will walk on firmer ground, by you becoming more emotional mature practicing quotient (EQ) to your own relationship of marriage.